The International Writers Magazine: The Return of Tabytha Towe

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A Vancouver Diary- Introduction to the frenzy • Tabytha Towe *Caution: Contents long and draining. Suggest you sit down with a cup of tea and take a deep breath before you enter the revolutionary, rude awakening. 'My God I’m such a complicated being! I have always gone the dodgy route thinking that maybe it will make things simpler later on then, but then you get lost in the process regardless'.

It’s about time I catch up and deliver something once more, for I am well overdue. In fact I am well over due for MANY things that I am at last only starting to figure out. Starting with today - Tomorrow even - Carpe diem. But what to bring to the table and where to start, my goodness? I last left off proclaiming my “retirement” from Hackwriters, in which I obviously did not stick with, (damnit I caved in against my own self will, how unlike me.) Deciding to stick at it was partly that a few people, actual readers, wrote me and stated that they actually enjoy my babble. I felt touched, even at the mere fact that I have readers! They took the time to write me and asked me to NOT stop writing, wow! I felt an avid sense of appreciation, for they apparently appreciated what I had to say; and hence, I shall continue with my rantings. It didn’t take much to convince me to stay with Hacks and I really, immensely do enjoy both writing and the idea of this magazine. There are so many creative, talented, interesting and very articulate writers who contribute to this project and I’m kind of proud to be a part of it. But I’m still easy to maneuver, just needed a few e-mails to help me realize that. (The magazine, not the maneuver part, I knew that already.) *Thanks for sending me your thoughts people! Glad I stayed with you.

So here I am to bring to you yet some begrudgingly exceptional insight, another piece of me, giving you the rotting core of my soul, for you to devour over the next ten minutes.
How deliciously appetizing does that sound? Honestly, the idea of flesh ripping off my bones sounds so cool to me, rather than getting nauseated by the horrific idea, which probably shouldn’t be considered appealing, (definitely not if it were to happen in real life.) I won’t elaborate with gory details, but here’s a pretty picture for you, if you will: “The idea of flesh ripping off my bones…” I can even hear the tearing noise of anguish in my head as the skin splits slowly as string cheese being torn apart and then snaps off exposing a fragile, gusting, soft and slimy, crimson covered, skeletal carcass. Errr? Shit I don’t know where I get my grotesque imagination from sometimes? Too many horror films or too much LSD I guess? Looks cool in my sick mind though.

Anyhow, moving on. To catch up with the previous 3 or 4 months -or so, I have managed to accomplish a couple of hobbies here and there, however not really many goals, -or any for that matter. I’m a great underachiever! No, no, I’ve done a lot of which I have been wanting to do for quite a while, years even, and have never given it the proper time nor the effort necessary to get into any of them,and finally I have gotten off my lard ass and started to do them! I am so happy about this progress, my God how I’ve missed out.

Of course I have been inspired to try these things at last, (you’ll hear all about him in a bit) and have had the spare time to be able to do it also. I went from 3 jobs to nothing, nada, zip…. It’s a long story, something along the lines of thinking once more I was going to travel soon and therefore left all my jobs (OK one of them I actually got laid off.) I then realized it was not time for me to go because there was a lot I needed to work on here first, especially on myself, before I go anywhere else; then running away to another country would sure be great but I’d only come back to the same problems if and when I would return, so why not sort those out beforehand and prepare myself for later, when I also have more money to go with.

Ok, so that leaves me jobless and still at home, in Vancouver, Canada, not frolicking around in Thailand or Ireland or wherever else I was supposed to be so eagerly going to explore. However, having the time off, a wonderful thought occurred to me suddenly one day? Seeing as how I was already disappointed I couldn’t get away as expected, and seeing as how I’d probably not get my jobs back after all, I thought I’d just take a little break and have a holiday - in my own backyard.
You know, just until I find another job, but no hurry, really. I have some money I saved up for my traveling fund regardless, might as well have a bit of fun, re-discover the captivating wonders of British Columbia at least, and I’ll only dip into my savings, no big deal -brilliant then!

It is now a few months later and turns out perhaps my idea wasn’t so brilliant. It was at the time, for a while, but now I have successfully dug myself a hole, more a bottomless pit, and I am broke and jobless in Vancouver. It’s an ironic twist on Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, has that same ring to it don’t ya think? Anyways, I cannot regret it, for what is done is done and much to my dismay I can’t turn back the clock. So at the end of the path hopefully I’ve come out learning from this whole experience. Besides, I have discovered love for many things since because of the free time and money I have spent so lavishly. The entirety of my savings account by now, ouch!? I’m digging a deep hole here.

I have fallen in love with an activity, hello snow boarding! All thanks to a wonderful person whom I seem to be also falling in love with. He who re-introduced me to the sport after 8 years of contemplation, (when I was last on the mountain and nearly died in about 4 different ways and never went back since).
He inspired me to try it again after all this time simply through being so enthusiastic about it, (a rather die hard appreciation for the mountain, would probably starve for a week to go up for just one run if he could.) His excitement made me want to give it a go and I did, and I’d give it my all for now - I love it!
I’ve only been up a few times this season, unfortunately, for no matter how much it is worth it, it is an expensive sport and I cannot afford it as often as I would hope for.

It is such a good time and a terrific escape from the realities of every day living. Might I add that I am very happy to be active in something so liberating. When you’re at the top of a lift with a beautiful and wide peripheral view over the city and trees that looks so awesome and a blanket of white powder below you waiting for you to play in, you have no worries about anything, not even falling, because it is such a freeing sensation. It motivates you, if you know what I mean, like looking at that makes you wonder if there is any crime and suffering in this glorious world we have come to let slip between our fingers with ruthlessness and corruption.

It’s as if you accept everything, you cannot resist it. I am quite disconcerted that I waited 8 years to go up again. What I have been missing out on, but I’m ever so grateful I gave it a chance and now I’m ok with being a bruised beginner! Keen for the big stuff one day, sooner than later hopefully, but I’m not that good yet, I keep having to remind myself to take one step at a time.

So strap those boots on and Lets Ride!
Not only snow boarding have I recently become infatuated with this wonderful person that I’m snow boarding with. We also go longboarding>like a skate board but longer, hence the name. I bought my first set of wheels a month ago and cannot wait to be able to cruise confidently around busy sidewalks without crashing into innocent, passers by, become practiced enough to bomb hills (not countries) as it would be called when you slide down anything that resembles a hill, steep, long, or curvy, even short. Looks like soooo much fun! My current squeeze does it so elegantly, like a ballerina on a skateboard, seriously,he just glides on cement as smoothly as he does through snow. What a hottie! He’s the greatest; he got me, miss clumsy here, on a long board. How cool is he!? Ohhhh I simply adore him, he’s got such an enticing way of thinking and living, I never tire of him, which surprises me loads. I always want to be close with him, except not suffocating, you know, we give each other space, man, and what do you do when you find a space - you park in it, dude, whoa, bogus notion! So yeah, I have a guy, a special, smart, very handsome, wacky, witty and fun loving person, and I hope he doesn’t go anywhere, must find a lead for that one, quite a catch you see! And don’t get me wrong I’m not thinking of settling down too quick or anything like that just because I found someone I genuinely appreciate and want to see more of in future, in retrospect I just enjoy his companionship, that’s all, no fucking wedding bells ringing in my head.

Right, so long boarding, I was saying, (I got carried away thinking about him and now I’m all giggly and excited) I’ve only just barely learned how to stop, which is definitely a good idea, especially on streets with traffic, go figure, but I am still very un-secure and wobbly, I haven’t found my balance yet. I need to find my center, not just for long boarding, for my own good.

What else have I done recently with my prolonged holiday? Went to Tofino, at the top of Vancouver Island (on the Pacific coast), absolutely liberating and enchanting, unlike the hustle of daily city life. It leaves you renewed in a way. Didn’t like coming back much, stress suddenly reawakens. Spent that nice little escape with my baby and his charming parents who came for a visit for their first time away from home and it made such an impact on them; such darling people, I’ll miss them. Makes me resent mine almost, but only because we live in the same country, I really appreciate and love them to death; only sometimes we want to strangle each other, fair enough. But how can you describe living off a beach like that? I mean you really lose yourself at peace, total contentment and a clear vision. I haven’t felt that relaxed in a while, it was astonishing. Four days of chill-axing, how vague and how nice.

Oh yes, ok so a brief run down of what we have discussed thus far; the past few months I’ve found a tremendous lover that I originally got all wiggy about the idea of a man entering my protective sphere again and now have no desire to check out another mans bum, (only chicks bums, for comparison only, errr…) I have met and made new friends in an intimate group of individuals who are all so beautiful and innovative, I have got lost at sea in mesmeration on a weekend get away. I have boozed it up enough to last a life time, I have lost my boarding virginity on the mountain and the road, although must acquire the skills for bigger and better (turns, control and landings), I have very savagely, un-carefully and very stupidly spent ALL of my savings, and have left my bank and pockets lonesome. I have stressed myself out to the point it affects my emotions and causes conflict with those dear to me, and last but not least, I have finally got myself a new home, moved out of Coquitlam, after all this clawing to get out of this forsaken city and many restless nights couch surfing. Relief, if only I still worked to pay my accommodation privileges now. It’s a cute and extraordinarily old house, a triplex, that desperately needs a paint job and a clean up, but it is mine so who cares, well mine and my roommates who share the place, two guys I recently met whom so far appear kosher and reliable enough. This is pretty much my first move per say, except for making myself comfortable at a boyfriends place and living there, but I was never really at home there. The area is so convenient, mates on either side of the neighborhood, coffee houses galore, grocery shopping, vegetable stands, it’s awesome. Many distinctive people live by the strip, a promising hippy village, I so dig it! Everything I need to survive is on the drive, (as far as materialistic goods, funky people observing and food supplies go.)
And that is what I have been engaged with lately, such fascinating and demanding news.

You can take a break now. grab a coffee and come back for more confessions....

Part 2:
Self realization and walking without suffering those sharp stones in my shoe a minute longer - Bob Marley quotes “Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our own minds.” True words of wisdom from an inspirational legend So with my time off I haven’t just been drinking in abundance, meeting new, unique and very cool, overall fantastic people, (whom this guy introduced me to his wonderful family of friends as well,) moving out and fearing, yet also clinging to independence, gallivanting around snowboarding and skating if I can and basically having as much FUN as I possibly could get away with, *although I have had plenty of it, until now, but it’s been superb! I have also spent the past few weeks, (which feels like eternity at times when you are so beat and down) re-assessing my lifestyle and finding out who I am and what I am going to do.

I have been exceptionally over stressed the past week, not knowing how I am going to pay for rent coming up, if I can even take the transit because I need a buck for laundry for I can’t even afford gas anymore, never mind other expenses on top. I am hopelessly handing out resumes although I have had the wrong attitude in looking for jobs all along, which stops now; not the job search part but the bad vibe aura hanging over me part. I have not been myself; I’ve been distraught. Last time I got this anxious and hyper (but not in the friendly sense of energy) I got remarkably ill, can’t allow that to happen now can we.

Nonetheless I brought this all on myself, no denying, I fully admit it and accept the consequences, (well I guess I have to) but I won’t let the blame make me feel worse, if I can’t eat what I’ve put on my plate then I shall starve thereafter, but now I have to swallow my pride and get through it. I know I’ve behaved considerably irresponsibly and immaturely but I can’t control it at this point, and it is ruining everything I do. I definitely need to find my center; in fact I am rather sideways and backwards at the moment, just a distasteful screwball. I’m even breaking out over this, I don’t get pimples! I am so unrelaxed that I couldn’t get a proper massage, I kept tensing up, I must flush out all my toxins that have built up over years of destruction and rid of it along with my threatening waves of uncalled for stress.

There needs to be a lot of changes.- Basically everything I am used to and let dictate the way I make decisions and live my life, is wrong. I am so ungrounded and unstable right now, there is no way I’ll get balance like this, I can’t seem to get a grip. I have to have a void for everything, I don’t know what space it is I am so eager to fill, but I rely on all the wrong vices. I should be fulfilled enough without having to use them, and I mean fulfilled in a positive way. I’ve got to stop and un-train myself from what I need to get me by, because it usually is not in my favor and for all the wrong reasons. I can’t start my day thinking that I cannot be awake without a coffee, that is unnatural, besides, caffeine makes me more edgy and I’m edgy enough as is. I’ve got to wake up and inhale my surroundings and embrace the day, soak it all up. Tune in instead of tuning out. Maybe even try turning down my music for once, (but never off) I always try to drown the world out but the world inside my head is not a happy place either, or rather at all right now, and the world can be as beautiful as you want to see it being. I must get back into spirituality, it helps me focus in so many ways and I am utterly blurry eyed with this situation. I need to pay more attention and find direction. The first thing I do after I get a job (or two, to be realistic) and after rent, paying off the bank debts and a loan from my father, a reward tattoo and taking my family to dinner and kidnapping my non-titled boyfriend out on a phenomenal adventure, (OK maybe like the 6th thing I do when I get a job,) is that I am adamantly certain I’m getting a yoga membership! Shit bollocks do I ever need to relax, I can’t keep still I’m so flustered, a meditation remedy is just the ticket, and I love tickets! Oh I do love to love, I hate sopping and being a miserable, dramatically-intense-in-a-bad-sense, deflated-from-my-happy-cloud-due-to-financial-concerns- whiny winger.

But while we are on the subject, for I really should get rid of this hefty baggage on my chest, not that my boobs are that big or anything, another of my lesser qualities I can now recognize and want to put away (this is a bit of a search and destroy theory isn’t it) is that I have a major issue with contradiction. I never make up my mind where I can be comfortable and satisfied with my decisions. I CONTRADICT EVERY THOUGHT OR IDEA. This is hideous! This makes it difficult for people to understand me. Therefore no one knows what I truly am trying to say and it’s disgustingly aggravating. I can’t give a simple answer; I’m so complex that I make it difficult to understand what I’m saying myself. I need to work on that a.s.a.p! Top priority, well, amongst other priorities, ie: getting work, paying bills, building relationships, clearing head of all that nasty and needless clutter.

Lets use a prime example. I am involved with a man who is so incredibly wonderful and extremely patient to put up with me through this tormenting period, that I want so badly to express it to him just how much he means to me, how much I care about him, how lovely he is and how much I appreciate it. But I can only come out with tears because I don’t know what to say or how to say it. As if I am crying because I like the guy, that does not sound justifiably correct at all. Then it sounds as if I’m uncertain or that I’m being sarcastic and it kills him, and me. If I can scream out in swear words, why can’t I do what I feel urged to do and just scream out “I love you!” and “Thank you for being there and for being you!” Screaming to yourself in the car “Ffffuuuucccckkkk!” doesn’t make you feel that great, I mean it does release some tension, but doesn’t affect your mood any better, wouldn’t “Ah, I love you baby” make you feel so much more invigorated! You see I always battle with myself, I refuse to heed even my own opinions. I’ve got to learn how to accept things and calm down and let things happen for a reason, rather than get all fussed and emotional over it.

I never thought of myself to be a negative person, I most often am cheery and bubbly and silly, which I blatantly am acting now, a complete buffoon! But apparently I have created this situation I am in. However I have handled it entirely disgracefully and let the worry and anger and pain consume my every nerve. Uh-oh, bad combo for me. However, I have chosen it to be this painful and for that I am angry with myself. I hate it, and it’s not the way I want to be. I’m not a hater man. Somehow I’ve built up for so long this huge, heavy package that I’ve created all this stress upon my own shoulders and it’s nearly as drastic as not being able to relax and enjoy simple pleasures. I am the sweet girl, not always sensible, but make better choices than this; compassionate, happy go lucky, goofy, grinning, free spirited, open minded, easy going person, and that is the Tabytha that I know I am, but she has recently been replaced by this little, hidden dark pit that snuck up suddenly from a hole that was presumed buried and contained, but somehow leaked and now seems to have sucked it (my wholesomeness of character) all out of me, and that’s the Tabytha I do not recognize. Nor like very much, the dry, cynical, numb one who’s left like an empty sack just hopelessly dropped on the floor amongst dirt and dust, alone with defeat. The delightful Tabytha is the full sack of round and shiny potatoes that doesn’t let a little dirt block her from anything! My God I’m such a complicated being! I have always gone the dodgy route thinking that maybe it will make things simpler later on then, but then you get lost in the process regardless. It’s not healthy. I sell myself short and end up missing the good stuff. I tend to live in the past instead of looking to the future, which is horrible. Good to an extent, for memories sake and to reflect where you’ve been and where you are today. But I hold onto it and live through my past- if that makes sense, because it sure doesn’t to me. I have no explanation why I do that. Does it mean I won’t move on? I must live for today and tomorrow, not yesterday, it’s gone already, old news. Not only that, but I also get easily stressed if things don’t go my way or the way I thought I had it planned, like it wasn’t supposed to be like this, the way I had imagined or worked for. Then I get disappointed or resent my actions instead of accepting and dealing with it and trying something else, for there’s always another way.

Man.That’s another bit of advice my lovely has taught me, which I am still learning and need to practice, is pure acceptance, not resisting. I have to fight off anything that comes my way, even if I need it. I’m so bloody obstinate I won’t even ask for help when deep down I’m a little puppy dog begging for you all to be proud of me and love me. I am hoping to be fully independent, but does a bridge hold itself up? I need to accept that I need support, and I truly realize that I do have it and should be grateful. Why fight it you stupid muck, you can still achieve things on your own but you don’t have to be alone.

I let my mother hug me today, usually I try to push her away, and it felt nice. I love hugs and kisses, I am extremely affectionate and I adore touching people (in all the appropriate places), but sometimes I turn into this kind of person who says back off, don’t get close to me, like I’m a rabies’ infected animal that’ll bite your hand off. Very outlandishly, stand-offish, as if this circle surrounding me is a barricaded and poisonous wall. There’s another problem, my God I’m full of them hey, full of shit that must be eviscerated at once. Thankfully I can see this now and dissect it without analyzing it all too much and sort my life out. This is amazing, I am relieved I can pick apart all my flaws and faults, so as to work on them. What a concept, see, so simple already. I can cope and get over this, I just got a bit distracted and discouraged for a while, I can bring it all back up again.

Admittingly though, I’ve always been a bit depressed, I have ADD and OCD, nervous habits and a lot of rubbish nonsense windling through my head. I was almost convinced I conquered that years back, and although it is creeping, I’m only doing it to myself and only I can prevent it. Now I’ve seen it coming. I’m ready to pounce you asshole! There is no way I’m going to let some fucking little pit suck the energy out of me any longer. Wow, I fully believe in myself here. I believe I can achieve anything and that I have good karma deserved very soon. I am squatting duck for now, but the instant the ball goes it won’t stop rolling. I cannot wait for it and I know it’s round the corner, I just have to go there and in baby steps, not frantic leaps of desperation, make my way around it and there awaiting me will be the hallway of opportunity. Failure will not be an option.

I want to start doing so many things I’ve always said and dreamed of doing. Where to start the list, I want to do everything I can and I’m not scared that time will run out and that I have to freak out and rush to do it, because I am young yet and have a while to climb the ladder and enjoy it as it comes along. I want do the yoga classes I’ve been aching for, I want to walk tall with my head on straight, I want to be focused and yet also lost in those little moments of appreciation for the beauty of life.
I want to play the guitar loud and proud. I want to take a photography course. I want to write more. I want to paint at least 3 canvases before summer. I want to get fit and eat healthier, I want to have manageable sleeping hours and get my recuperation so that I am fresh and prepared the day ahead of me. I want to work hard and enjoy it and earn every dollar, I want to become close with loved ones. I want to chill out and feel calm, talk slower and clearer, take a moment to breathe deeply before I speak. I want to cut my hair and stop fretting over it. I want to smile all the time. I want to make those around me smile. I want to feel passionate and alive again. I want to travel and explore other cultures. I want to learn a second language. I want to clean up and decorate my new home. I want to help people. I want to join a goddamned book club. I want my soul to fly. I want to bask in the sun and kick my feet up without worrying about wasting my day. I want to be guilt free. I want to be positive.
I want to learn more each day, I want to stand side by side with my boyfriend without feeling trapped and let him be my partner and friend and just have a great time together without fretting over feelings or being totally serious. I want to cruise on my long board without shaking. I want to quit my disgusting smoking and nail picking habits that have been with me for nearly a decade and not fall back to it in a moment of fluster. I want to take my dog swimming in a non-littered lake that I can skinny dip in. I want my legs and shoulders tattooed, I want to be independent and free. I want to speak my mind and not take it back. I want to feel uplifted and never come down on myself in a moment of weakness. I want to accept and be accepted. I want to be hopeful and not render a feeling of hopelessness. I want to laugh, at myself and the world. I want to cry out of joy. I want to gain knowledge and teach others. I want to discover the art of love making, tantra sex and kink (in most aspects, and all over again from a new perspective!) I want to feel released of the burdens I flood my self with. I want to have my energy back, the sparkle in my eyes, the innocent curiosity of a child back. I want to take my time, I want to have an understanding. I want to be secure and grounded. I want to make amends with my family and see them happy and successful. I want loyal and honest friends and see them happy and successful. I want to be sincere, strong, confident, successful, healthy, beautiful and inspiring. I just want to be me. I just want to live - a happy and fulfilling life.

This is the means of and end, the end of an era, the end of this terrible fate, because it is not for me. I have had a major epiphany, like I have taken off my sunglasses and can see what color the sky is for the first time in a long time, I almost forgot what it looked like for a while there. This is only the beginning, and I am lucky to be able to figure this out at 21 years old and start truly living now. Welcome world, the future is mine…well, my future is anyhow! Bring it on then, drum roll please.

Take care, Sincerely, The redeemed, anti-conformist, go getter attitude, salvation of my presence from this day forth, loving and unconventional, the new found going back to the old, Tabytha xox
© Tabytha Towe April 2004
tabythat@hotmail.com

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Letter From A Brother

Today was a confrontational day, tomorrow is a new and magnificent day! Cheers! Tabba I really like your writing. It gives me insight in to your state of mind and that in turn allows me to understand you better. I know how we act towards you and I understand the way you react towards us. I also know that right now you feel stressed and life seems so hard. I promise you that life wont be hard for long as soon as you understand what your purpose is in it. I can't tell you what your purpose is, the most enjoyable part is getting to figure that out on your own. You have always done things differently from me and the rest of the world and I admire you for that, you have so much courage. The problems you have faced and will continue to face are because you always take the hard route. I know you strive towards independence, but your perception of independence is skewed. No one can survive and be happy on their own. No one can get anywhere in life without help. You have the support from me, your true friends and family. You have a good life and a good soul, but you continue to contradict it with unhappiness and negative thoughts. Deep down I know you want to be happy, so quit choosing to be sad, it is that simple. I know right now it is an uphill battle but you know best when I say that challenges are what makes us better. Think about it, would you be the person you are today if you were never faced with challenges. You have overcome most of them, but those battles were ones you could not choose. You know what battles I am talking about. You agreed with me when I said you were living in the past. I am guilty of the same thing. It wasn’t till just recently that I realized that future is more important because we have control over it. I have so many regrets about my past and I have so many fond memories, no matter what I will always have those and so will you. But I want to help you realize that we are still young and have so much to look forward to. You have the control of your future, you control whether it is good or bad. You have potential and this world is a very big place you will find your purpose eventually, just quit taking the hard road. The hard road isn’t necessary for you anymore, you have been that route. You have gained character and insight that most these people can never understand. You have the advantage in life, so quit selling your self short, use it. Fuck grades or written credentials, you have persevered through shit that most people will crumble if faced with it. Don’t listen to what others think of how you should live your life, find out for yourself. You want to be happy but you act sad, you want to be nice but can act like a bitch. You like fancy things but you feel you don’t deserve them, these contradictions are holding you back. You have come a long way Tab and you are on the right track if you look forward to the long road ahead. Flash forward to ten years from now, you will be 31. you might be an aunt or maybe even a mother. I hope you will look back and say I have had a great life. I am extremely confident that you do and will continue to have a good life.The problem is I don’t think you know that. Simplify your thoughts and your actions. Achieve clarity, rationalize before you act and you will limit your mistakes. You have a good head but we all know you lack common sense. Don’t worry though you can still get it. I have lots a faith and pride invested in who you are and who you are going to be. Sorry for being harsh on you and sorry for making you think that there is something wrong with you. You are an original and I don’t want to change that. I just want to see you find yourself because I know you are looking. Unfortunately you have always been looking in the wrong places. But you are smarter and I think you will find what you have been searching for soon. Every tomorrow will eventually become a yesterday, but you will always live in today and may your todays always be happy ones. Love you my big sister, and good luck with the roads ahead, and always remember you have my support even if I don’t show it. P.S. I think you should quit smoking and drinking and start getting more healthy. I know you know, but nothing is getting done about it.
Tyler

At Death's Door
Tabytha Towe discovers a reason for living
The Vancouver Diaries
ONE. TWO. THREE. FOUR, FIVE. SIX. SEVEN. SEVEN and a half-EIGHT- NINE -TEN- ELEVEN- TWELVE THIRTEEN -FOURTEEN- FIFTEEN -SIXTEEN -SEVENTEEN - (*The Africa Diaries) EIGHTEEN - NINETEEN- TWENTY -TWENTY-THREE

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