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The
Trials of a Self (Sort of) -Imposed Exile
Brian J Wood
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I
have wandered the world quite a bit and suddenly I have no country
to call home
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Did you ever wondering how it would be to just wander the earth with no
real home or country? Images are conjured in my head of reclusive wanderers
with their flowing capes and walking sticks. The famous Japanese haiku
poet Bassho comes to mind. Even though he did not wander outside of Japan,
he journeyed pretty far in his own country by just walking. How romantic
is would be to be free of those things that tie one down. I do not necessarily
mean family or other loved ones, but bureaucratic things like citizenship
and nationality.
I have wandered the world quite a bit and suddenly I have no country to
call home. I am a citizen of the US but basically in name only. My passport
is even a point of contention because a mistake in the State Department
put me on some blacklist (without any complete explanation) refusing to
renew my passport for the full validity of ten years. I do not care that
I am a US citizen or some other citizen. Actually Id rather not
be a US citizen and am trying very hard to get rid of it but in
order to do that I would have to become a citizen of another country;
fine, but easier said than done.
I have a kind of backwards national identity problem. Instead of trying
to belong, I am trying to get away trying to break those ties that
both control and refuse me. I will always be culturally American but I
do not want to be officially American. This official-ness is the toughest
to get rid of. I dont feel a part of or included in being an official
American, so why should I have to remain so? Being in a bi-national gay
relationship is even more "offensive" to those in control of
official nationality. We are both officially from unfriendly environs
when it comes to settling together (US and Japan).
Immigration policies around the world are the bane of my existence. Currently
my partner and I are trying to become permanent residents of Australia
but to no avail. It turns out that I do not have enough "points"
to become one. It all rests on my education skills. You see I have a Humanities
degree but that does not mean much in the world of immigration
not skilled enough they say.
I refuse to go back to the States when my student visa expires next summer
for various reasons none of which have anything to do with the law, just
my political choice and frustration. It does not make one a lover of that
country when ones same sex partner would basically not have a chance
of getting residency there. It is actually easier for one of us to get
a permanent residency here in Australia than for him to get one in the
States. Why? Well the "land of the free" will not permit me
to sponsor my partner on the grounds that we are considered deviants,
and we all know how impossible it is to get a permanent residency there
especially now. Australia has no such archaic law and relatively
easier to get in and stay. Eventually we will be able to settle here hopefully,
it just will take longer than expected. My partner has a better chance
since he is a dentist but it will take longer for him to get the permanent
visa than what our current visas allow.
I could go back to Japan after I finish with another annoying piece of
paper the visa. I probably will go back to Japan since that is
my only choice and where I have some sort of social base. My partner,
who is Japanese, and I do not want to settle in Japan either. It is the
same thing our same sex relationship. This time it is not the fact
that he cannot sponsor me (which is in fact true I can stay there
forever as long as I have a job), but that he cannot be "out"
there. He has to be closeted to his family and many of his colleagues
at his school and, in the future, at his work. The funny thing about this
is that I can be "out" in Japan because I am just another weird
foreigners and thats ok. But in his case he is Japanese a completely
different story.
I am constantly thinking about my wandering experiences. I lost a sense
of home a long time ago a home that I was born into that is. I
do not want to keep wandering forever and I dont think my partner
wants to do that either. I want a new home, one in which I choose to be,
not by what my passport says. We are both self-imposed exiles seeking
out a place to be together. It is like that Village People song (wonderfully
covered by the Pet Shop Boys) "Go West". "Together we will
go our way
.we will start life new
this is what were gonna
do
well be what we want to be". We all are just trying
to find a place just to be, where we want to be. Whats the problem?
Autoethnography
of Silence
Brian R
Wood
I
was the most silent in class
© Brian R. Wood Nov 2002
email:woodkoiwa@hotmail.com
Touring
Melbourne Museum
Journey Through Bunjilaka
Brian R
Wood
'face
to face with hundreds of Aboriginal faces and voices
'
The
Symphony of Life Continuing
Brian
R Wood
Melbourne's
Wonderful
Identity Crisis
Brian
R Wood in Australia
I
would much rather have a city exploring its identity than one that is
set in its way and stagnates
The
Nogawa Redemption:
Brian R
Wood in Tokyo
This is the Nogawa. One of those hidden treasures you do not find until
you really look for it
Shinjuku:
The Empress Dowager of Tokyo
Brian Wood
Good shopping,
the best gay bars and where to picnic in Sakura season
Shibuya
No Techno
... if I try to understand everything about Shibuya,
then I would not be really experiencing something that, by nature, defies
understanding.
Brian R Wood in Tokyo
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Hackwriters 2002
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