The International Writers Magazine

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The Moroccan School of Meat Kyle Macdonald on it's rules and regulations

"What kind of meat is in my sandwich?" Sandwich-selling guy: "heart, ......and fat"
If you've ever been to Morroco, you know. If you haven't, here's a little taste for ya.
The Moroccan School of Meat was established to ensure the quality of meat all over Morocco.... and beyond. Its rules are few, but well-followed by purveyors of meat from North to South, East to West.

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Rule no.1
Meat must never be refrigerated
Rule no.2
Mops and buckets make poor cleaning devices. Cats are much more preferable.
Rule no.3
All chicken's feet/heads should be given to dogs, who will march around the city streets proudly showing off their prize.
Rule no.4
All meat must be cut on wood. This wood must never be washed; the water and soap used could cause the wood to rot, causing future pieces of meat to taste bad.
Rule no.5
Chickens must be transported live in an inverted position, held by their legs. If waiting for a bus, the chicken must be allowed to stand and then be tied by one leg to a bicycle or other stationary object.
Rule no.6
At least 4 cats must always be present on the street outside every butcher shop.
Rule no.7
It is a crime to display public distaste for cow tongue.
Rule no.8
All blood from animal products must flow out of a butcher's shop, across the sidewalk and into the street on its way to the storm drain. There must be ample room for no less than 3 thirsty cats.
Rule no.9
All meat must be transported through crowded markets and be touched/nudged by children before reaching a butcher shop.
Rule no.10
All meat products will be hung from metal hooks over the sidewalk and must be brushed into by at least 10 people before being sold.
Rule no.11
All sheep and/or goat heads must be transported by bicycle.
Rule no.12
Sheep and goat heads must be displayed on open-air counter tops with either their tongues hanging out or parsley/assorted garnish jammed between their teeth.
Rule no.13
All fish heads must be left on the street in plastic containers. It is a crime to allow cats to eat them. They are always reserved for kittens.
Rule no.14
It is impolite to laugh if a tourist walks up to your butcher shop and points to something asking: "what's that?" Instead, a small chuckle or wait-till-they'ved-turned-the-corner 'knee-slapper' style of guffaw should be used. Grill 'em if you got 'em

© Kyle MacDonald Jan 2004
kylemac@yahoo.com
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