The International Writers Magazine: Families and Pain

April Fools’ Day • Michelle D’costa You know you are damned if your family follows every single freaking special DAY of the year. Happy Rose Day, Happy Propose Day, Happy Chocolate Day, Happy Teddy Day, Happy Promise Day, Happy Kiss Day, Happy Hug Day, Happy Valentine’s Day!

Can you see me rolling my eyes?
(In my family nobody does it so much as I do but yeah it is a guy thing here.)
My family looks for an excuse to have fun on these days.
My brothers are like a pack of hyenas looking for prey.

On Happy Rose Day last year, they made me pluck out every petal of a rose (gifted to one of my brothers) and recite ‘He loves me - He loves me not’.
They recorded it and uploaded it on You Tube.
Don’t ask me what I had to do the next day at school, to prove to everybody that I’m straight. Trust me. Its better you don’t know. For the sake of this story please?

On Happy Propose Day, they made me propose to our colony dog. All the colony members were invited to witness the ceremony. It was beyond embarrassing because when I said the words ‘I Love You’, Sandy the dog pooped. What timing! I know. (Rolling my eyes again)

On Happy Chocolate Day, they brought me a chocolate cake shaped in the form of a toilet commode. I had to take a bite of it and then they smeared it all over my face. I’m telling you it looked like I had dipped my face in poop and again the photos went viral.

Happy Teddy Day, I was dressed as a teddy bear and had to roam the streets with my phone number around my neck. I looked like a member of the furry fandom.

Happy Promise Day, my brothers loved the most because I had to promise them each that I would do something for each of them for the rest of the year until the next Promise Day.

Happy Kiss Day I had to kiss all of their dirty underwear and of course describe the smell.

Happy Hug Day I had to hug random strangers and that’s not it! I would have to keep an egg on my chest before hugging the person of course without the person’s knowledge. (Rolling eyes again, sorry can’t help it)

Happy Valentine’s Day was the least crazy one; they spent the day playing darts, hanging me on a heart shaped dart board.

I tried not to take offence every time because they always had a reason. A reason to laugh, to smile and that was me. They laughed at my expense and I thought it was fun. Well, at least I entertained them!

Last year on April Fools’ Day they made me eat tuna with saltine crackers, only it wasn’t tuna.
They still didn’t tell me what it was but was definitely not tuna.
It just looked like tuna.

This year I had eavesdropped on them one day, to my horror and joy, they had finally thought of giving up pranking me or rather bullying me.

On April Fools’ Day all was quiet and I thanked my stars for finally blessing my brothers with sense but then I actually missed their pranks. Every word they spoke, every move they made I thought was a plot against me but by the end of the day when nothing happened I realised I had to just accept the fact that they were fed up of their silliness or maybe they had found another scapegoat. That made me a little jealous. Did I let them down in any way? Wait! Am I insane? How could I have let them down? They were the ones constantly upsetting me.

We finished dinner and I switched on my laptop. I opened my mail. I had received a new mail.
It was from my publisher accepting my manuscript!!
I jumped in the air but then I composed myself and read it again. Yes!!
I searched for my brothers and told them about it.

They were genuinely happy for me. I told them that whatever prank they wanted to play on me would be fine because nothing could spoil my mood now.

They admitted that they were fed up of their foolish deeds. They asked me to buy drinks to rejoice. I changed into a pair of jeans and spent the last bit of the money I had on drinks.

While I was out buying the drinks I uploaded my status on a social networking site as ‘I will be published soon!! Manuscript accepted!!’
After a minute popped a comment, ‘Haha! April Fools’ Day to you too!!’
I replied instantly, ‘This is for real!! I will be an author!!’
I waited for the reply. It didn’t come.

We were totally drunk by midnight. Just then my eldest brother started laughing. I looked at him like he had gone mad. ‘What are you laughing at?’
He didn’t bother to reply or stop laughing.

I was very sleepy and before sleeping I wanted to read the mail again.
I signed-in and found an unread mail in my inbox.
I opened it.
It was from my eldest brother,
‘Happpyyyy April Foolss’ Dayyyy Brooooo!!! We had sent that mail to you!!! Your manuscript was rejected dude. Sorry we just wanted you to be happy for a few moments. Jackass!! Gotcha again!! Promise this was the last prank!!’

You know how when you are suffocated in a relationship and you wait for just the right moment to walk out. Well, this was not the moment.
I decided to pay them back and then leave.

The best way to seek revenge is to pretend that I’m dead while I’m actually dead. They deserved it. I just wish I could see their expression while they think I’m pretending to be dead. I went into the kitchen, found a blunt knife and slashed at my wrist, then my throat and fell flat on the ground. Niether my scream or the thump on the ground attracted the attention of anyone around me.

I drifted away into nothingness where I heard laughter of my brothers. Just as I had expected.
I wanted to say, ‘Happy April Fools’ Day to you’ll too bros’ but I had already crossed over and from the other side when I looked at them with eyes opened, I saw that they were crying.

‘Wait. What’s going on? Wait! Something is wrong. I fooled you!! You thought I was pretending?? I’m actually dead! I fooled you!! I got back at you!! Laugh idiots!! Finally I prank you all back. Why are you’ll crying?? Why now?’

© Michelle D'costa March 2013
http://pikoomish.wordpress.com/

Home
Michelle D'costa
Mamta didn’t need an alarm to wake her up every morning. She was among those blessed early risers who found themselves unable to sleep beyond their routine waking up hour
Commitment
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It was time for my family to look for marriage proposals for me. Amma decided that only a job would get me a girl. A job that paid. Something. Anything.
Marriage
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Seema slathered bathing gel onto her calloused palms. Oh! How much she craved these hours of solace. She had to be quick though there was still an hour to go before he would arrive.

Review of eFiction Magazine - India
Michelle D'costa
Most of us need a reason to do something, a muse. For writers it has been eFiction India. Before this multi-faceted journal came into their lives their voice had been stifled.

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