From our Lifestyles Archives
It might be a case of a severe deficiency in estrogen or something
worse I may be (unbeknownst to everyone including myself) afflicted
with a personality disorder that makes it impossible for me to conform
to stereotypically female behavior. Either way, I have honestly never
been quite as interested in those creatures of the opposite gender as
the stereotypical female is.
|My Spinisterish Tendency
Dannah Sylvia T. Rubio
In praise of the single life
For more than half of my life, I would occasionally make up illusory crushes
just so I wouldnt stick out like a sore thumb from amongst my peers
all of whom had a ready reservoir of crushes to swoon on, successively
or simultaneously as they saw fit. To this day, talk about guys does more
than tax my patience and assault my senses it lulls me to the deepest
level of REM sleep that no amount of promethazine and dichloralphenazone
could ever succeed in doing. And while some of my friends have "graduated"
from comparing prospective beaus on the basis of looks to sifting the
chaff from the grain on the basis of bank accounts (yes, some people can
be that shallow), Id rather be home alone reading about the Romanov
dynasty of Russia or the Mughal dynasty of India (yes, I am a geek).
Having said that, I have to admit I am and have been for quite
some time -- head-over-heels insanely in love with two of the Westlife
guys, Mark Feehily and Shane Filan. Much to my inconsolable heartbreak,
however, there arent too many Mark and Shane look-alikes roaming
my corner of the planet.
Levity aside, I am perfectly happy with the idea of staying blissfully
unattached for all of eternity. I once revealed this spinsterish tendency
of mine to one of my friends. She gave me a look that made me doubt if
I was human or some ghostly apparition from outer space. Thereafter, I
was treated to a harangue with the basic thesis statement "Never
say never". Being the feignedly nice person that I am, I pretended
to listen whence all the while wondering how long itd take for her
to tire of yakking her brains out. It took all of 1,800 seconds, and boy
was I beside myself with joy when her passionate, pompous and argumentative
tirade finally drew to a close.
The rest of the times Ive divulged my predilection to lifelong singlehood,
Ive been greeted with either the annoying "I-know-something-that-you-dont-know"
chuckle, or the equally annoying "Its-just-a-phase-Itll-pass."
chuckle. For the life of me, I fail to comprehend why everyone around
me seems to take it as a mathematical "given" that one bright
and sunny morning or one starry, starry night, if not in the near future
then in the distant one, I shall walk down the aisle and nine months thereafter
bear children "sprung from my loins". I also dont understand
why people dont understand that that kind of future appeals to me
just as much as a wrestling bout with a half-man, half-bull eater of human
flesh does. Why, pray tell, must everybody be so dismissive of the possibility
of a single life that is just as whole and complete as a married one?
Let me put your apprehensions to rest. I am no man-hater. While there
is a certain segment of the male population that Id relish applauding
being burned at the stake (rapists, adulterers, pedophiles, etc.), the
men in my life (my dad, my grandpas on both sides of the family tree,
all my male relatives, friends, teachers and professors, etc.) have been
so very, very good to me, and for them I nurse nothing in my heart but
the most deeply-felt fondness, affection, and gratitude.
Its not that I fear men. (There are only two things in life that
I fear: death and oral exams.) Its not even that I mistrust them.
(I happen to have unquestioning faith in the goodness of 95% of men 95%
of the time.) Nor is it that I think theyre all beneath me. (I may
be arrogant but Im not that conceited.) Its just that, knowing
myself as much as I know the Philippine National Anthem, I am not at all
cut out for the married life not in this lifetime nor in the next.
You see, Im not particularly fond of compromises, and marriage,
built on mutual love, respect and fidelity though it may be, is also all
about compromises. Consider the following hypothetical situations. Wife
A wants to migrate to the Netherlands; Husband A wishes to stay in the
Philippines. Wife B wants to donate a certain sum to her brother whose
business enterprise is in shambles; Husband B deems such an unnecessary
and wasteful expense. Wife C wants to accept a promotion that will mean
a higher salary but lesser time spent with the family; Husband C objects
to her acceptance of the promotion. In each of these situations, either
the wife or the husband must give in; they cannot have it both ways. For
someone like me who is used to having everything done her way, situations
such as these are anathema and to be avoided at all costs.
And if you of the marrying kind dont buy my reason for seriously
entertaining the thought of staying single for life, I can live with that.
For as long as you respect my fascination with the single life as much
as I respect your attraction to the married one, thats good enough
Sylvia T. Rubio 2003
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