Are you adventurous, unorthodox and individualistic? Bored with following
the herd to Ibiza, Majorca and all those other soft, woolly, fluffy,
holiday locations? Living on the edge? Why not let Mad, Bad and Dangerous
to Go Ltd push you over for the vacation of a lifetime. Possibly
the last holiday you will ever need to take! Our agents have personally
trawled the news reports, spoken to embassy officials and travelled
far and wide to local libraries to find destinations tailor-suited to
the wild, the original, the potentially suicidal people just
Insurance companies advise that good times turn bad in an alarming variety
of ways: the all too frequent tragedy of the swimming pool-related ear
infection, the trauma of walking into villa windows, the agony and embarrassment
of sunburn. But what do all these catastrophes have in common? Thats
right banal commonness. Youre yawning already. And if you
are afflicted with Dull Holiday Incident Syndrome (D.H.I.S) whats
your course of action? Bore the other members of your holiday entourage
senseless, complain relentlessly to your rep. Soon people avoid you,
even your cat leaves home, your claims for compensation and emails to
Watchdog are ignored. You feel stupid; you have no one to show your
holiday snaps to.
But if you incur scooter burn escaping from guerrilla terrorists after
inadvertently becoming involved in a local drug war, which leads to
the kidnap of your family and the bombing of your hotel
something to write home about. Particularly to your lawyer. And when,
after many years, political negotiations allow you to return home, think
of the potential for anecdote-laden stories that will impress and delight
your friends. Become a hit at dinner parties! And it will look great
on your C.V. Plus none of that last day of holiday, returning
to reality gloom; you will be overcome with joy and relief when
you finally reach home. If you do.
I lost all my cash, travellers cheques, keys, personal
documents, jewellery and antique family heirlooms when I was viciously
mugged in Athens. ( Mrs O. Verfilled-Handbag, Essex).
Thats great. In fact Greece has a fairly bad reputation for theft-related
crimes generally in tourist areas and some districts of Athens.
But mugging is so last season. Why not fly with us to Columbia where
violent death is the most common way to go for those over ten years
old? Another attraction is that no where in the world has such a high
potential for experiencing abduction. We are sure you will love the
splendours of this exotic South American location which is lucky
as in all likelihood you will never leave! There is no better way to
explore the customs and culture of a foreign land.
(Hot Holiday Tip! If you enjoy indulging in recreational drug-use, Columbia
is the perfect destination for you. Dont forget to try out the
local varieties just talk to obvious drug barons, easily recognisable
by dodgy moustaches and an abundance of gold jewellery, for advice on
where to score and, if you are feeling really reckless, how to get involved
in dangerous drug cartels).
I love to experience action packed holidays. But my wife and
daughters always insist on sunbathing, swimming and generally relaxing.
Its all so tedious. Where can I go for a family holiday that will
allow me to get my own way and ignore the pleas of my spouse and children.
(A. Bastard, Surrey).
Have you considered hazardous Arab countries? We do a fantastic holiday
to beautiful Algeria where you could lose your female companions in
a matter of minutes particularly if you forget to remind them
to dress so as to not expose any flesh. Or perhaps you would prefer
Yemen where tourists are popular targets for kidnapping; that should
keep your family alert and on their toes. If they object or if you want
a safer option, try Morocco or Tunisia. If you have a greater need for
camels than for your relatives, head to the nearest market.
I find the current gun laws in England far too restrictive.
Where do you suggest I should travel to so that I can indulge in my
favourite hobby of shooting obviously I would prefer live targets.
(Mr D. Mented, Knowle West, Bristol).
Ever considered Chechnya? Our all inclusive holiday package drops you
right in the centre of guerrilla warfare. (Arsenal of weapons not included.)
Fancy travelling further afield? From the Sudan to the Congo we can
find a destination that you will love. We will provide flights, accommodation,
and an itinerary uniquely suited to the perils of your chosen country.
The only thing we wont provide is insurance. Obviously.
Youve tried extreme sports, extreme cola products, extremely stressful
careers, so why not try our supremely dangerous holidays? Stare death
in the face and that work deadline will never seem so deadly again.
Please phone, write or email to receive our brochure giving details
of packages which have all been usefully graded from Fairly
Alarming to Certain Death. We just cant
wait to send you on a holiday to end all holidays!
Mad, Bad and Dangerous to Go Ltd.
(A subsidiary of Tomas Clook Travel Agents.)