The International Writers Magazine
Moroccan School of Meat
Kyle Macdonald on it's rules and regulations
kind of meat is in my sandwich?" Sandwich-selling guy: "heart,
If you've ever been to Morroco, you know. If you haven't, here's a little
taste for ya.
The Moroccan School of Meat was established to ensure the quality
of meat all over Morocco.... and beyond. Its rules are
few, but well-followed by purveyors of meat from North to South, East
Meat must never be refrigerated
Mops and buckets make poor cleaning devices. Cats are much more preferable.
All chicken's feet/heads should be given to dogs, who will march around
the city streets proudly showing off their prize.
All meat must be cut on wood. This wood must never be washed; the water
and soap used could cause the wood to rot, causing future pieces of meat
to taste bad.
Chickens must be transported live in an inverted position, held by their
legs. If waiting for a bus, the chicken must be allowed to stand and then
be tied by one leg to a bicycle or other stationary object.
At least 4 cats must always be present on the street outside every butcher
It is a crime to display public distaste for cow tongue.
All blood from animal products must flow out of a butcher's shop, across
the sidewalk and into the street on its way to the storm drain. There
must be ample room for no less than 3 thirsty cats.
All meat must be transported through crowded markets and be touched/nudged
by children before reaching a butcher shop.
All meat products will be hung from metal hooks over the sidewalk and
must be brushed into by at least 10 people before being sold.
All sheep and/or goat heads must be transported by bicycle.
Sheep and goat heads must be displayed on open-air counter tops with either
their tongues hanging out or parsley/assorted garnish jammed between their
All fish heads must be left on the street in plastic containers. It is
a crime to allow cats to eat them. They are always reserved for kittens.
It is impolite to laugh if a tourist walks up to your butcher shop and
points to something asking: "what's that?" Instead, a small
chuckle or wait-till-they'ved-turned-the-corner 'knee-slapper' style of
guffaw should be used. Grill 'em if you got 'em
© Kyle MacDonald Jan 2004
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