The International Writers Magazine: Love and Heartache
The End of the Affair
here I stand again. Alone but yet not alone after all. If only I had
remembered the bad instead of the good then nobody would have got hurt.
It's that ex-syndrome isn't it? The one that you thought that you should
get back together with but actually you forgot what was wrong in the
first placeor why you broke up with him. Going back is a bad idea -
really bad idea.
You see thats what happened. When I first came to university,
I was with him. After three years of being together, I thought that
he was the one, the one that is that I was going to spend the rest of
my life with. More like the one that I was going to get rid of in two
months time actually. It wasn't because of the fact that I wanted my
freedom here, it was more to do with that he didn't trust what I was
doing. Phoning and questioning me at two o'clock in the morning about
my whereabouts was not something that I found amusing. Who would? And
so it ended. All it took was a two hour conversation, which turned into
a shouting match, to end a partnership that had taken three years of
I was out on my own, free and single and available. But I didn't feel
that way. Oh no,I felt more like the world was tumbling down around
me. Everything that I had known and trusted had gone. And so I resorted
to pulling anybody I wanted, thinking that by some strange miracle it
would make me feel better. And yes- I fell into the dreaded trap of
sleeping with someone as well. That made me feel even worse. So after
about a month of this stupidity, I put my mind right, listened to my
mates and went out on several nights, content with the fact that I was
just on a booze up with the girls. And thats how it went for the
next two months.
Then I saw him again.
We had decided to stay friends and had just reached that point of getting
over the awkwardness as well. Out in the pub for a few drinks....(which
I refuse to blame) I told him that I still loved him and that we shouldn't
have split up. There is no doubt about the fact that I did still love
him, but as you do sometimes, I had forgotten the fact that he didn't
trust me, hated the way that other blokes looked at me and didn't like
my girlie night expeditions. Forgetting the aforementioned, I fought
for him. He declined me several times and just when I was giving up
said that he couldn't live without me either. It was back on....SCORE
right? Wrong; it became a big miss.
No sooner had we kissed and made up then he was accusing me of wearing
my skirt too short and told me that I was a slag for wanting to dress
the way that I did. So I wore trousers out. Then, he saw the random
bloke giving me the eye from across the room. Of course this was my
fault. I must have been provoking him. The last straw was the phone
call. I was out with the rugby lads and some girlie mates when he phoned
and told me that I was ridiculous for being out with the lads.
What had I done? How could I forget the way that he was? So I told him
that it was over. And this time I meant it. I am not going back. I have
my confidence now and refuse to let anyone take it away. I am not ashamed
of my actions and don't need a buzz to make me feel better. In fact
I am on top notch form. But then there is the next problem. As if all
of this burden wasnt enough, I met the guy of my dreams. From
the word go, we clicked like I had never clicked with anyone before.
Then we saw each other everyday for the next week. But there was that
niggle in the back of my head. YOU SHOULD BE SINGLE MICHELLE. Experience
has taught me to listen to my head and if things were meant to work
out then they would. So I told him that I wanted to get to know myself
first before I could even contemplate getting together with someone
else. He understood as well. Instead we have decided to get to know
each other as friends.
The moral of the
story folks? Well there are two. Just remember that your first instinct
is nearly always right . Also remember that life likes to through you
hurdles all the time. However, it is your choice whether to bump into
them or rise and jump over them.
© Michelle Cochraine March 2004
Michelle is now the new Student Editor at Hackwriters.com. She is studying
Creative Arts at Portsmouth University- Submit
your lifestyle piece to Michelle here
all rights reserved