ONLY THE LONELY
a wonderful thing if you have people to share it with. Dont put
off today what needs to be done to day. Join something...
Every one experiences
some loneliness sometimes in their lives, but there are people who experience
more than their fair share. The season to be jolly is a time where people
feel their loneliness the most. Everyone is talking about this event and
that dinner party, and there are some with nowhere to go. These are not
homeless people, but your everyday people that you may work with or live
next door to.
Loneliness is not just about a person being alone, but about feeling lonely
within their lives. You may have many people among you, but you have this
overwhelming feeling of detachment or loneliness. You are not a part of
the clique, or you are perceived as being full of life and strong and
people presume that you have a life and so therefore dont need to
include you in their activities. There is nothing worse than being lonely
in a crowd, or being lonely in a marriage. You want to shout out that
you dont feel that you belong, but no one would understand or really
care. People only want the life of the party around them, it is too much
effort to bring someone out of their shell. That shy person who would
love to be included, but does not feel adequate enough to interject into
True friends that know you and can hear you are a rare thing nowadays.
We are consumed with being popular with the crowd that to be true to your
personality and show everyone who you really are is too scary for most
people. No matter how popular you are, I believe that we all feel the
loneliness at sometime or other. Do we always feel that we belong? Do
we look around and say, Yes, these are the people I want to be with
Do we feel perfect strangers sometimes even if we are with friends?
For some work is their only point of contact with people, or maybe they
volunteer to do things so as to be near people and to socialize. Church
is to some a way of socializing more than it is a faith or a place where
they feel they belong. Married people often volunteer at events because
their married lives are so lonely. You can be sitting next to a spouse
and feel utterly alone- many women I know go through this, I know only
too well from my own experience.
Life is busy, I have friends, I am an organizer, I organize social events,
I love to be near people, but, I am the one who does this, no one else
does. We cant do it like you, so we dont do it
this is what I hear. Yes I know, I need to get a more productive life,
and I am trying too. Can anyone tell me how! Many are in this situation,
bound to children, a loveless marriage and have no money. I am trying
to start a business so as to earn money and hopefully gain more people
to socialize with. I am a positive thinker, always pushing people to think
positively for themselves and to believe in something. I am there for
them all. But today I feel very very lonely, even in a crowd. I want to
scream out hear me I am here I talk to people but sometimes
feel this is just 'noise'. I am trapped in my own loneliness and I dont
necessarily know how to get out of it.
This is why so many of us are so lonely. We are trying to communicate
with people around us, but no one is hearing us. We are just another thing
in the room, another person to pass your woes onto, another person for
you to dump your negativity on. Where is the light? The sound of uplifting
voices? A valued conversation with someone who really cares a damn. Where
are all the other lonely people?
Look to your right and then to your left, do you see them? Now look into
your mirror, what does that tell you? Are you one of us? Or is your life
full of meaningful content and valued friends? We live in a society that
is detached from feeling (in case someone should hurt us) and from fear
of trust being broken (in case someone should take advantage of us). I
do believe that we need to get back to a village society, where everyone
looks out for each other, and shares your joys and your woes.
Life is hard to live ion your own. We need to start stretching out our
arms to others and take them into our embrace and let them know that they
are not alone. I do not mean like an interfering community where every
one gets in your business with judgment and malice, but a place where
people will respect each others individuality and our privacy. We
can be a community and respect each others lives, we can share and
give each other strength, and we can let them know that they are not alone.
We must start trusting in each other and be there for each other before
the loneness spreads to all and gets out of proportion.
Start sharing your life with people that care and start being honest with
yourself and others. Rather than stand alone, it is time to unite and
to share our lives, to reach out and touch someone that makes them feel
wanted and help them erase the loneliness from their lives.
Life is a wonderful thing if you have people to share it with. Dont
put off today what needs to be done today. Join something; voice your
feeling to friends and co-workers. Let your family know how you feel,
just dont stand for loneliness; it is a very dark place to be. I
am now going to let the light in somehow, I will trust in the energy of
the world and find someone to share my life with that really does care.
I will make it my mission to do so because I have seen enough darkness
and I now need the light to go on. Help each other to find the switch.
Have a Very happy 2002. May it be filled with laughter and meaning.
Best wishes to you all
© Sara Towe 2002 Vancouver Canada.
A READERS RESPONSE
In response to Saras article on loneliness. Yes, I think we all
feel it, lonely, especially during the festive season and
in those obligatory crowded situations such as, at a party. Whilst youre
looking around at the seemingly "normal" looking people, all
enjoying themselves, I suggest that amongst them are one or two, or
perhaps more, who feel the same isolation, perhaps theyre just
better at hiding it? But then youre there too, you probably chat
to some friends / colleagues and they think you too are socially skilled
and more importantly, not lonely. Ahhhh, the irony of it all, given
your eloquence and confidence to express yourself, perhaps you yourself,
have friends that would like to express similar such feelings but feel
too embarrassed or ashamed to do so with such a together
You mention talking to people; friends, true friends if that concept
still exists? But really, have you talked to anyone about you feel?
(Apart from the millions that now have access to your deepest darkest
secrets via this fantastic creative forum! Ha! Ha ha!!!) I have said
it before and dammitt Ill say it again
Venting these frustrations
in a creative outlet, such as keeping a Bridget Jones type diary,
is all well and good, but I think in todays time, its much harder
to discuss these issues openly, in an open forum, such as this e-zine
has offered you.
As such, perhaps one risks being belittled, ridiculed or mocked. But
I salute your efforts and suggest that you contact your local high school,
paper and / or radio station. For, I am sure that there are plenty of
other people, (young teens especially), that share these isolated feelings.
Firstly though, I think it would be pertinent to look to find causes
for these feelings. Then I think discuss these in a group situation,
or a column in a paper or on your own radio show; discuss and share
the possible forward-looking steps.
In your article, you end on a positive note, saying that you believe
that something "out there" will urge you forward and hopefully
pull you out of this deep blue funk. But still a word of warning, you
have yet to discover where these lonely feelings / traumas stem from
or began, and as such I would suggest you are far from overcoming them,
even with faith!
But that is not to knock the efforts that youre clearly making,
you know that something has to change, you have things in your life,
children, career all of which demand your attention and are causing
you to organise, prioritise and ultimately, re-think your life. Who
knows maybe the answer is "out there
I think that with a little 'encouragement' that you could make a fantastic
guidance councillor for students, or as I mentioned before find other
such places like this site to continue to express yourself, but I feel
that youd do well to find a common purpose with others to share
these feelings, be this a group that you can join or one that perhaps
you can start yourself?! Now theres an idea!!!
Good luck with everything
(Another lonely voice, somewhat less lonely today
You can visit Sara's new website right now -
of the winter skin.
Sara Towe escapes to the sun
So off we went,
all aware of this last trip and that we do not spend a lot of time together
as a family anymore.
Why is it the
regular man does not quite measure up to our sexy screen stars?
Memory of a Father
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